Mother’s Day can feel like a holiday that has always existed, with its cards, carnations and breakfasts in bed. In fact, the American version is only a little more than a century old, and its story includes community health work, a call for peace and a founder who ended up campaigning against the very commercialism the day became known for.
The Mothers Who Came First
In the 1850s, Ann Reeves Jarvis organized Mothers’ Day Work Clubs in western Virginia, in an area that later became West Virginia. The clubs taught families about sanitation and caring for the sick at a time when many young children did not survive. During the Civil War, she encouraged the clubs to care for soldiers from both sides, and after the war she worked to bring divided neighbors back together.
Around the same time, the writer and activist Julia Ward Howe, best known for writing the words to “The Battle Hymn of the Republic,” issued a Mother’s Day Proclamation in 1870 that called on women to work together for peace. Her idea of a mothers’ day for peace was observed in some places for a time, but it did not become a lasting national holiday.
A Daughter’s Campaign
After Ann Reeves Jarvis died in 1905, her daughter Anna Jarvis set out to create a day honoring mothers. In 1908, the first official observances were held, including one at the church in Grafton, West Virginia, where her mother had taught Sunday school. Anna Jarvis wrote letters to newspapers, politicians and ministers for years, and the idea spread quickly. In 1914, President Woodrow Wilson issued a proclamation making the second Sunday in May a national day to honor mothers.
Anna Jarvis chose the white carnation as the day’s symbol because it had been her mother’s favorite flower. Over time, a custom developed of wearing a colored carnation to honor a living mother and a white one to remember a mother who had died.
The Founder Who Pushed Back
Within a few years, florists, card companies and candy makers had embraced the holiday, and Anna Jarvis was unhappy about it. She had imagined a personal day: a visit home, a handwritten letter, time spent together. She spoke out against printed greeting cards and rising carnation prices, and she spent much of her later life protesting the commercial side of the day she had worked so hard to create.
Many other countries honor mothers on different dates. In the United Kingdom, Mothering Sunday falls during Lent and grew out of an older church tradition.
A Celebration Closer to the Original
For families with young children, the founder’s vision is easy to honor. Toddlers and preschoolers cannot buy anything, but they can make, give and help.
- A handprint card or a drawing, with words dictated to a grown-up
- A picked or paper flower presented at breakfast
- A simple job, such as carrying napkins to the table or watering a plant
- A short walk, a picnic or a playdate where the time together is the gift
If you are planning a gathering that includes grandmothers, aunts and family friends, keep it relaxed and short enough that the guest of honor gets to enjoy it too. A morning get-together in the backyard or the living room, with little ones playing nearby, fits the spirit of a day that was always meant to be about being together.
Sharing the Story With Little Ones
Toddlers and preschoolers are too young for dates and names, but they understand stories about people who cared for others. A simple version you can tell at breakfast or bedtime might go something like this: a long time ago, a mother named Ann helped her neighbors keep their families healthy, and she helped people who were hurt in a war. When she died, her daughter Anna missed her very much and wanted a special day for everyone to thank their mothers. So she asked and asked and asked, until the whole country agreed.
Children often respond to two parts of the story: that Anna was missing her mom, and that she kept asking until people listened. Both open gentle conversations about love, about missing people and about not giving up on a good idea.
Bringing the Carnation Tradition Home
The custom of wearing carnations gives a family gathering a quiet, meaningful moment. A few ways to include it:
- A carnation for every grown-up. Children hand a carnation, real or paper, to each mother, grandmother and caregiver who arrives.
- A remembering vase. A single white carnation in a small vase on the table honors a mother or grandmother who has died, without needing a speech.
- Paper carnations from tissue. Accordion-folded tissue paper, pinched in the middle and fluffed out, makes a convincing carnation. Adults fold, children fluff.
- A flower for the photo. A family picture with everyone holding a carnation makes a simple, lovely record of the day.
Gifts in the Spirit of the Original
Anna Jarvis hoped people would write personal letters rather than buy printed cards. That idea is easy to adapt for families with young children:
- Interview your child. Ask a few questions: What is your favorite thing to do with Mom? What does she always say? What makes her laugh? Write the answers exactly as spoken.
- Add a drawing. Let your child illustrate the page, however they like.
- Repeat every year. Keep the pages in a folder. Over the years, the answers change in delightful ways, and the collection becomes a treasure.
The same approach works for a grandmother, an aunt or any caregiver your child wants to thank.
Questions Families Ask
Why is it written “Mother’s” and not “Mothers’”?
Anna Jarvis is often described as preferring the singular possessive, so that each family would honor its own mother rather than mothers in general. The spelling stuck.
Is Mother’s Day on the same date everywhere?
No. The United States observes the second Sunday in May, but many countries choose other dates, and the United Kingdom’s Mothering Sunday moves each year with Lent.
How do we keep the gathering from becoming work for the guest of honor?
Let someone else host or cook, keep the guest list small and plan a short gathering with easy food. A playdate in the backyard with little ones playing nearby gives mothers time to sit and talk.
